Bissinger's 75% Dark Chocolate

About: It's still the case that in the US it's possible to engender some cachet by touting European heritage. Bissinger's is not above doing this and proudly proclaim their 17th century French title of "Confiseur Imperial." On their packaging they list "Paris 1600s USA 1845." These declarations compensate for Bissinger's currently somewhat lackluster mid-western domicile. I was right in thinking that some St. Louis manufacturer was not going to make good chocolate. But I was wrong in thinking it couldn't be excellent. It most definitely is excellent.


Flavor: The packaging says "full bodied and assertive with a strong finish." Yep.  

Texture: Smooth, creamy, excellent.

My rating: 8.8,  on the scale of 1-10, where 10 means 'mind shockingly good' and 1 means 'would not bother'. Give me more!




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Maria Tepoztlan Chocolate (70%)

About: The back of this bar talks about how chocolate comes from the Nahuatl word "Xocolatl," meaning bitter water. Since this chocolate is made in Mexico, they are trying to create an romantic association with the the very dead Aztec civilization. I wouldn't want to live in an Aztec civilization or eat their food, and so the associate falls flat for me. It's a big, thick bulky package that gives you  a lot of chocolate in big, hearty pieces. Sadly, they are hearty pieces of ick.



Flavor: Ptui. There's cinnamon in this chocolate. If you like that, you might like this chocolate bar. You'd also have to like a cloying sweetness that seems to betray the physical limitation of having 70% cocoa content and hence little room for excessive amounts of sugar. This bar made my literally ill, and I hated it.

Texture: Yeah. It's okay. I couldn't get past the flavor. I should take another bite to check the texture on its own, but I can't bring myself to put any more of this in my mouth.

My rating: 1,  on the scale of 1-10, where 10 means 'mind shockingly good' and 1 means 'would not bother'. Never eating this ever again.




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Trader Joe's 72% Cacao Darm Chocolate

About: Trader Joe's products span a wide range of quality. You can get some pretty good stuff. You can get some pretty mediocre stuff. This lands on the "pretty good" side. The chocolate says "made in Belgium." I have no idea if that's like olive oil made in Italy, from olive oil made in Spain and who knows where else. But if you stop worrying about the potential for Chinese plastic filler and focus on the flavor, you'll be pleasantly rewarded.


Flavor: This is a great "go to" daily bar. It's the meat-and-potatoes of chocolate bars. The chocolate flavor is full and rich. It has a nice finish without being too sweet.


Texture:  Creamy (for a bar with this much cocoa). Nothing to complain about.

My rating: 8,  on the scale of 1-10, where 10 means 'mind shockingly good' and 1 means 'would not bother'. So a 2 would be the lowest value that's worth eating, though with little enthusiasm.

This bar comes in huge 2lb mega-bars, as well as smaller wee cute bars. If you consume a lot of chocolate and want a lot of chocolate at a good price to have around for when you need it morning, afternoon, and night - this is it.


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Vosges Super Dark Matcha Green Tea 72%

About: Vosges "Haut Chocolate" looks pretentious from the very onset. If it's not the retro art deco font or the carefully posed pictures of Katrina Markoff, the firm's founden, then surely the claims about "detoxification" and "general wellness" should make you squirm. News flash: detoxification is not a Thing. The claimed enhanced brain function should tell you that. Vosges proudly proclaims its renewable energy, recycled, women's and disadvantaged-enterprise business ownership labels. Perhaps the only chink in their armor is that "many" of their suppliers are organic.

These are all good things, but like hearing about your friend waking at 6am to swim laps, you can't help but feel annoyed at all their righteousness being shoved down your throat. 

Fortunately, having the chocolate shoved down the throat isn't bad, even if you want to hate it.


Flavor: The green tea flavor in this bar is subtle. So it the green tea flavor in green tea. So that's okay. The cocoa nibs give the chocolate a kick and a satisfying crunch. The spirulina, which is an algea rich in protein, vitamins and minerals must be in low quantities. No one knows what spirulina tastes like, but with all that wholesome goodness, it much rival kale and other vile 'superfoods' as super vile.

That said, the bar is not bursting with chocolate flavor. It's semi-bursting.


Texture:  Creamy on the hard size. The little bits of crunchy cocoa nibs remind one of rice krispies. But a half bar of this stuff gives you a kick.

My rating: 7.5,  on the scale of 1-10, where 10 means 'mind shockingly good' and 1 means 'would not bother'. So a 2 would be the lowest value that's worth eating, though with little enthusiasm.

Would get again, but not at a top priority. Overall, I think I prefer a pure chocolate bar to this (particular) flavored version.

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Theo Organic Fair Trade Orange 70% Dark Chocolate

About: Theo is a Seattle-based chocolate maker that emphasizes fair trade chocolate. They've been in business since 2006 and claim to by directly from farmers and grower cooperatives. They also claim to be "the first Organic and Fair Trade fair for Life Bean-to-Bar Chocolate Factory in North America." Ok.


Flavor: Because the bar is slightly firm and waxy, the flavor doesn't come through for a while. The initial reaction is, "what? really? that's it?" followed by a "oh.. I see.. here it comes" and a subsequent "ahh.. actually not at all bad." By setting you up with an initially underwhelming opening flavor, you're railroaded into some zealotry when the end comes. That said, while the chocolate flavor is solid, the orange flavor is just a bit subtle, and you have to look for it.

The bar is also sweet, as is the case with many 70% content chocolate. I didn't find it cloying, and the after finish is pleasant - you're not left with a puckered mouth gasping for water. 

Texture:  Could be less waxy, but it's not too bad. Ends smoothly, but not super creamy

My rating: 8,  on the scale of 1-10, where 10 means 'mind shockingly good' and 1 means 'would not bother'. So a 2 would be the lowest value that's worth eating, though with little enthusiasm. For an orange flavored bar, it's somewhat subtle. But the chocolate is good and satisfying.

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Ritter SPORT 73% Fine Extra Dark Chocolate

About: This is a German brand I generally avoid. First, the word "sport" in chocolate is almost like "healthy lungs" on a pack of cigarettes. Second, Ritter provides a multi-dimensional portal into a universe of sugar. I can't stomach any of the chocolate I've tried from them before. But when I saw this 73% bar, I thought I'd try it. There are 15 other flavors, none of which appeal to me as options for further tasting.

Ritter was founded in 1912 in Stuttgart and seems proud of things like "inventing a square bar of chocolate that fits in people's pockets" or "we made  a snap-open package." That's nice. These days they also own plantations and are riding the wave of German greeness.


Flavor:  Living up to it's reputation, this chocolate is sweet. But at 73%, there isn't a lot of room for too much sugar. The flavor itself is pretty good. It comes on immediately and is milky smooth and full. There aren't a lot of different aromas, and the follow-through flavor is slightly bitter. But overall, I was pleasantly surprised.

Texture:  The texture is good. It is smooth and complements the flavor well, with none of the waxiness I find offputting.


My rating: 8,  on the scale of 1-10, where 10 means 'mind shockingly good' and 1 means 'would not bother'. So a 2 would be the lowest value that's worth eating, though with little enthusiasm. This bar won't make you run faster or lift more weights, but it will satisfy a craving without disappointing.

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